Living Life in Your Early 20’s
Your early 20s is such a beautiful yet challenging time. It’s a time of discovery with a lot of trial and error. There is this pressure on us to have everything figured out. Having a set career, finding a place to live, being financially stable, having a social life, finishing college/ having a degree, and knowing what you are going to do for the rest of your life. In my opinion, I don’t think any 22-year-old really knows what their future looks like. They might have an idea, but no one truly knows. The pressure that is put on us can be overwhelming and stressful. This pressure has affected me a lot.
Finding a Career
I have personally felt the pressure of having my career all figured out. I didn’t go to college because it wasn’t for me. Right after high school, I jumped into the workforce. I’ve always worked since I was 14, and I am very work driven. At the same time, however, I have no idea what career I want to go into. I have tried different jobs to figure out what I like or what wasn’t a good fit for me. It can feel defeating when you try something, and it doesn’t work out. I have experienced this myself. I had to rationalize that I tried my best and should be proud that I gave it a chance. When you are in your early 20s, you need to try new things to figure out who you are. You never know until you try. You can’t beat yourself up if you try working at a new job and it isn’t a good fit.
When it comes to work, you need to be somewhat happy with what you are doing. No job is perfect. But when you wake up in the morning, you should feel good going to work every day. You likely spend 40 hours per week at work; it’s a big part of your life. But figuring all of this out in your early 20s can be stressful. News flash – no one really knows what they are doing. It may look like it on the outside, but trust me, you are not alone. Finding a career takes time, and there is no rush to “know what you are going to do for the rest of your life.”
Having a Social Life
This time in our lives can feel very isolating. I learned that it’s difficult to make friends in your early 20s. When I turned 20, my friend group fell apart, and the few friends I had were away at college while I was home. At this point of my life, I felt so alone. I would see people on social media going out with their friends while I sat in my room on Friday nights. There is a pressure on us to have a social life. These days when we turn 21, going out on weekends is what a lot of people do. I am telling you that it is okay to spend a weekend at home with your family. There is nothing wrong with that. But at the same time, I completely understand that this dynamic can also be hard. I had to stretch out of my comfort zone to meet new people and create a new social life for myself again. I met a lot of my friends through work because in my eyes, that was the easiest place to find people my age to hang out with. If you are feeling lonely, my advice is to really put yourself out there. I met one of my best friends while I was at work. I was working at Starbucks at the time, and a girl walked into the café. We immediately started talking and clicked right away. She came into the café again and asked for my Snapchat. We hung out, and she became my best friend. So maybe next time you are at Starbucks, ask the Barista for their Snapchat if you’re looking for a new friend! I created new relationships and created a new social life for myself. I realized that my new relationships are so different than the ones I had when I was a teenager. I have grown up and matured. I look at my friendships in a different way. I value my friends so much. I created a balanced social life, and I am so much happier. I still struggle though when I see my friends go out while I’m home. But it’s all about balance. Definitely go out and live your life while you’re young, but it’s okay if you don’t go out every weekend.
Self-Discovery
In my experience in the last few years, I have really done some self-discovery. We grow up sort of being told what to think as children. We are told what to do and don’t really make a lot for choices for ourselves. When you turn 20, that all changes. You really become independent and are figuring out who you are. What your values are, what you prioritize, your interests and who you are as a person. The responsibility you take on is also a lot. When I turned 20, I bought my first car, worked 5 days a week, paid my bills, and started becoming very independent. Through all this independence and therapy, I really started finding out who I am. So far, I’ve realized that I value my happiness, genuine relationships, my physical health, living a balanced life, and freely thinking for myself. I also had a realization that I want to live my life. I want to prioritize traveling, going to concerts, going out, making memories, and living life to the fullest. I think being in tune with your self and what you need/want is so important. The biggest part of all of this is putting yourself first. It’s okay to be selfish. The biggest things for me are my happiness and putting my mental health first—always. Life is too short to be in situations that make you unhappy. No one deserves that. I spent all my teenage years unhappy, and I told myself this next chapter of my life will not be like that. I’ve done everything in my power to be happy and live a purposeful life. Having a purpose on this earth is another big value of mine. Being in your early 20s is difficult because this self-work is not easy. You really need to look in the mirror and see what you need and what you need to change. It’s hard but necessary. Growing is a huge part of this time of our lives. Start working on yourself.
I don’t think people talk about these things enough. In my personal experience and seeing what the other people in my life also go through, I realized so many of us go through these adjustments. We are just young adults trying to find our way in this crazy world. A lot of these things we must learn on our own. Making mistakes, trying new things, and taking risks. None of it is easy, so be gentle with yourself. Remember you have gotten through everything that’s been thrown your way, and you will figure this out too. I have the mindset that you are young and just live your life. Do what makes you happy and have fun. Obviously, be responsible as well, but you are only young once. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. You got this—and you are not alone.
Change – Why It’s So Important
In life, we experience change constantly. It’s inevitable. Nothing ever stays the same. Friendships, jobs, living situations, going off to college, divorce, medical diagnoses, moving, etc. Things don’t always go as planned. Life just happens sometimes, and we must adjust. Some change is more extreme than others. For example, a smaller change could be switching friend groups at school. A major life change is switching careers or job roles. This can cause a lot of anxiety and make us feel uneasy. It makes us feel this way because it’s all unknown. What if I don’t like it? What if I made the wrong decision? What if I hate it and I am unhappy? Our minds race and overthink in situations like this. This can be extremely overwhelming. It’s not a good feeling.
I just recently had some big life changes. I just turned 21 and changed careers this past October. That all came with a lot more adult responsibilities that are all new to me. I was jumping into something I’ve never done before. I was terrified. I had all those thoughts that I mentioned. I was sad, anxious and was scared I wasn’t making the right decision. On top of that I was also very sad to leave my old job at Starbucks. That was a big change for me as well because I absolutely loved that job. And I just want to say, this is all perfectly normal to be feeling this. I struggled, but I managed these feelings well. I want to tell you how I did it. Hopefully, this can help you.
Communicating your worries / journaling
Any time I go through a big change, I make sure I am communicating and advocating for myself with trusted people in my life. This is so important because we need support when going through a change. I prioritize therapy. I am open with my therapist, listen to her advice and try my best to rationalize my thoughts. I am also open with my family and close friends. I remember when I was very overwhelmed with the recent change in my life, I sat in my room with my best friend and just cried. She was a shoulder to cry on. Her being there showed me I wasn’t doing this alone. That feeling of comfort helped me so much. As humans we crave that.
Journaling during big changes is huge to. What worked for me was just trauma dumping in my journal and writing out all my worries. Sometimes getting all your intense feelings on paper can be so relieving. I then turned those worries into thoughts about what positives can come from this. Unknown situations are such a beautiful thing. Anything is possible. What if you meet a new best friend along the way? What if this turns out to be the best decision you made? What if this is what you needed to grow and become the best version of yourself? What if! That is such a cool thing; we need to reframe our anxiety. Unknown is scary and it’s also a great/needed thing. Get all those feelings onto paper; I promise you it will help calm you down.
Going with the flow mindset
One quote I love is, “Everything happens for a reason.” This quote brings me peace. When you have this mindset, you know that whatever is supposed to happen will be. Your story is already written out, you just got to live and experience it. Even if what happens doesn’t go well, you probably learned a lesson that you needed. Good outcomes can come from bad situations. Being uncomfortable is the only way we grow. When I am faced with a life change, I think to myself, “What is the worst thing that can happen?” You hate your new job… find a new one. You took the chance and moved across the country but hate it… move back home. You broke up with your boyfriend… he’s not your soulmate so now you can find who is. Nothing in life is that serious. I spent so many years struggling with debilitating mental illness. I don’t have the energy to stress about life anymore. I just go with the flow. After I embraced this mindset, my anxiety got so much better. I wasn’t having as many panic attacks because I realized these things are not worth getting mentally and physically sick over. Everything will be okay; it always has been. You’ve gotten through every struggle that came your way. You can always face a new one. You are strong. Remember that.
Being okay with not being in control
We are not always going to be in control of changes in our life. Some things we just don’t have a say in. Let’s say there was heavy traffic, so now your late to an event. You couldn’t control that, and it was a change in plan. Okay… you still got there, and everything was fine. One great quote is, “Things can go well even if I am not in control of them.” It all goes back to that feeling of unknown. Unknown does not equal bad. It’s totally valid to feel anxious in situations that you don’t have control over. This is a normal human reaction to situations that make us uncomfortable. But what we can do to counteract that is to rationalize our anxiety. When we are anxious, it is typically the extreme scenario we allow to take hold in our minds. Our anxiety can lie to us at times. We can tell ourselves that even if the worse scenario happens, we can and will get through it. We already know that. So, this should bring you some sense of comfort. Be gentle with yourself. Do your best to control your worries and be okay with the present situation.
Change is one of the most beautiful things. All my personal growth has come from change. I recently had a lot of change in my life, and it has made me so much stronger. I got out of my comfort zone and hung out with someone new. That person came into my life and changed it in the best way possible. Now we are best friends. I changed medications and it ended up being the right one for me, and I feel so much better. My best friend just moved 200 miles away which sucked and was a big change. But we talk every day. When I see her in person, it is so much more special, and our friendship has grown so much from this. I changed my financial situation and bought my first car. I also completely changed my eating habits, recovered from an eating disorder and lost 51 pounds this past year.
With all that being said, it is extremely scary. Putting yourself out there is hard. Taking the risk is terrifying. Making the switch is tough. But that is what life is all about. Nothing will remain the same and that is okay. We must accept this to be happy. I hope whatever changes are happening in your life are going well. You got this!
Getting Diagnosed with Bipolar II – My Story
I am going to tell my story of getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder. This is a story I’ve been wanting to share for a long time. I hope this helps people understand this illness, and make people feel heard and seen that also have bipolar.
Where do I even begin? Let’s go back seven years. 14-year-old Aliya, a freshman in high school. I hated high school, and I think many people can relate to that. It was just not my time— let’s just say that! I played volleyball, basketball and water polo; I did have many friends and from the outside looking in I had it going on. But for some reason, I knew something was off. But I was such a happy kid growing up. I lived in a loving home with the best family and pets. Everything was great in my life. But I started to not feel well. At this time, I was not educated on mental health and only knew maybe two people who had a mental illness. But it wasn’t talked about, and it wasn’t even on my radar. At this time, I started developing symptoms of depression and anxiety, but I didn’t know that at the time. I didn’t know anything about depression or anxiety, and never ever thought I would have it.
What’s Happening to Me?
I was so confused… why was I so sad and drained all the time? Why was I hyperventilating before school every morning? There was a time at my high school volleyball practice where I had a panic attack and ran out of the building. The coaches chased after me. I started to hate the sports I played, didn’t want to see my friends and lost interest in everything. I cried myself to sleep every night and I didn’t know why. I felt a lot of guilt because like I said, I had a great life and technically had no reason to feel this way. I kept all of this a secret from my family and only told a couple of friends what was going on. My friends started to become very concerned, but it terrified me to have other people know what I was going through. I felt so alone. One day I saw a counselor at school. Long story short, my mom was called and informed about all of this. She came into the school and all of us were crying. It was very hard, but my family was so supportive. At that point I started getting treatment.
Therapy as a First Step
Oh, therapy! What an amazing thing. I started seeing a therapist at 14 years old. And fun fact, I still see the same therapist seven years later. My therapist is amazing, and I am so beyond grateful for her and therapy in general. When I first started seeing her, I was terrified. I never opened to anyone on things I was dealing with on the inside. I felt embarrassed and was just so confused. After a few sessions, she diagnosed me with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. It started making sense, and it felt good knowing there was a reason behind the issues I was having. Getting diagnosed at first did make me feel seen and heard. I felt less alone. I continued to attend therapy every week. Things were not getting better though. My depressive symptoms were getting worse, and my anxiety was unbearable. My therapist recommended medication. At this point, I was 15 years old, and my parents were concerned about putting their young daughter on medication. I begged them to consider medication for me because I would have done anything to feel better. At this time in my life, I was barely attending school and sleeping all day. I had a lot of unhealthy coping skills that were not good for me. It was starting to take over, and I couldn’t function in day-to-day life. I did get put on an anti-depressant to help with depression and anxiety. I didn’t see a difference, and after a while I felt like nothing was going to help me feel better.
One day in therapy, my therapist brought something up. She told me that since she’s been seeing me, she has noticed and recorded three hypomanic episodes. Hypomanic episodes? The term sounded scary to me. I had never heard of it and had zero idea of what she was talking about. She explained to me that hypomania is a period of an abnormally elevated mood with high energy/ activity level. I just sat there; I was confused because I didn’t realize any of this. We talked it through, and what she was telling me started to make sense. We started treating both the hypomania and the depression during our sessions. After a while, we both knew it wasn’t just depression I had, this was little more complex. This made sense why the anti-depressants weren’t working.
More Than Just Depression
At age 15, I was diagnosed with DMDD- disrupted mood dysregulation disorder. Basically, this disorder is only for people under the age of 18 that are having mood issues. Kid bipolar if you want to call it that. With this new diagnosis, I was put on a mood stabilizer. I can’t really remember how long I had DMDD, I just know it wasn’t for long… shortly after I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. Typically, you cannot diagnose anyone under 18 with bipolar disorder, but I guess I was special. I believe I was 16 when I got this diagnosis. As you can tell, it took a while to figure out what was really going on with me. I am just so grateful for my therapist noticing my symptoms and properly diagnosed me.
Bipolar Disorder
So, what is bipolar disorder? Basically, it is a disorder that is associated with episodes of mood swings, from mania to depression. It can cause your mood swings to go from extremely high to extremely low. The highs look like increased energy, impulsivity, excitement, lack of sleep, irritability, spending high amounts of money and restlessness. Mania is not fun by the way, just because it’s a “high mood.” In my experience, mania makes me feel out of control. I am not technically happy during these episodes; I just feel like I am on top of the world and nothing can stop me. It’s not a good feeling. On the flip side of that, these episodes don’t last forever. It lasts about two weeks or more, and you crash into a depression. The depression symptoms look like low energy, low motivation, loss of interest in things you once loved, low concentration, slowness in activity and racing thoughts. The depression is hard; I’ve had depressive episodes last up to six months. It is also hard to go from one extreme to the other. Because when I’m on a high, I’m just waiting for it to crash. It seems like a never-ending cycle. You never know what’s going to come next, and it’s a hard way to live.
This disorder can really take a toll on functioning day to day. There were times when I couldn’t go to school or work because my symptoms were so extreme. I was hospitalized twice and went to treatment centers to help me get back on track. I am very grateful for the hospital; it taught me so much and I learned things that I will take with me forever. Being hospitalized was also extremely hard; I would like to write a separate blog all about that. Bipolar has had a huge effect on my life and has impacted so much within these last seven years.
Journey To Wellness
I have learned so much on my journey, and it really has shaped me into the person I am today. I am resilient and strong. I have gone through such hard things, but always got through it. I now know I am capable of so much and truly can get through anything that gets thrown my way. I feel I am much more self-aware than many people my age. A lot of people lack self-awareness, even older adults. On this journey, I learned to advocate for myself which is such an important life skill to have. There are so many other lessons I learned, but I think the biggest one is to not take your life or happiness for granted. I am so grateful for my good days. I am so grateful for happiness. I am so grateful to be alive. I see life in a different way now. I have so much gratitude for everything I have. I know what it was like to feel hopeless and to feel like your entire world is falling apart. At many points I didn’t want to be here anymore. I now value the little things in life now, because for so many years, my happiness was taken away from me. When I can go to work, see my friends and family and feel-good day to day… I don’t take that for granted. For example, some people might just go to work and think nothing of it. They may never realize that going to work can be extremely difficult for someone else. At one point in my life, it took all my energy to get to work. There was a time I was so sick; I couldn’t even call my manger myself to call off work that day. My dad called in for me at 19 years old. Those times were dark, but I appreciate work so much now because of it.
I just want to tell anyone dealing with this… it is possible to live a fulfilled and happy life. For so many years, I truly believed that nothing was going to get better for me, and I was going to feel like this forever. I am here to tell you that is wrong. Bipolar is a part of who we are, it does not define us. I am so much more then my diagnosis. I am a good friend and a hard worker. I am a caring and giving person. I am a daughter, a sister and a best friend. There is so much more to me than bipolar disorder. This took me years to realize. I learned that I can be happy and that I deserve to be happy! With the right treatment, you can live such a beautiful life. We will always have our ups and downs, and I know there is no cure for this illness. But we can still live a great life. Currently, I work five days a week at a job I love. I go to the gym regularly. I see my friends and family. I go to therapy. I can honestly say I am finally at a place where I am happy. It took a very long time, a lot of therapy, finding just the right medication, and so much effort to get here. I feel proud of what I’ve overcome, and I realize I have so much more growing to do. If you are feeling like it will never get better, just know it does. You have to keep fighting. And let me tell you, all the pain and hard work is so worth it in the end. You got this; I believe in you.
This is my story that I am proud to share with you. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope I shined a light on this illness, and if this resonates with you, I hope it helps you on your journey. 🙂
Self-Care and Self-Growth: Why are they so important?
Self-care and growth are two things we as humans strive for to be the best versions of ourselves. No matter where you are on your journey, every human has room to grow which is such a beautiful thing. This self-work can be very challenging and takes determination and consistency to maintain. This can be more of a challenge for people struggling with any mental illness, but it can be so much more important for that individual. When we struggle with our mental health, self-care can be very difficult. I myself can relate to this. But taking the time to focus on your self can drastically help your mental health.
What is self-care? The exact definition is: The practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health. What this means is taking the time and effort to do things for yourself for your mental and physical health. There are so many ways to practice this, starting with the simplest thing like brushing your teeth every morning. This simple task can be difficult for someone that struggles with depression. But taking the time to focus on one task to work on for your own health can be so beneficial. In the past year, I have taken so much time to focus on this. And let me tell you, I have seen a drastic difference in my mental/ physical health and overall life. Starting to incorporate healthy habits into your life is challenging, I’m not going to lie. It’s not something that happens overnight. And that can be very defeating, and sometimes can make you just want to give up. But I promise you, consistency is going to be so important in the lifestyle change. One thing that I think a lot of people believe is that this lifestyle must be perfect. This isn’t achievable. No human is perfect though social media can make us believe that. Everyone’s journey is different. A healthy habit of mine may not be good for you, and that is okay. You might be thinking, what are some healthy habits I can incorporate into my life? Well, you came to the right place. Here are some examples I have used that have benefited my life in a great way.
A Good Sleep Schedule
Having a sleep steady sleep schedule is my number one habit for good health. I learned on my journey that sleep is a big component in how I feel and my overall mood. My advice is finding out how many hours of sleep you would like to get a night; the average is about 7 hours per night. Do the math. If you have to be up at 7 am every day, try to go to bed around midnight or 11 pm. This way you get the proper amount of sleep for the next day. I incorporated a nighttime routine around the time I go to bed as well. This is so relaxing for me, and I enjoy my alone time at night.
Exercise
Incorporating regular physical activity into my daily life has made an enormous impact on my overall health. This one has always been a little hard for me. I struggle with depression and finding the motivation to exercise can be hard for me. One thing I learned though, is there are many forms of exercise— you just have to find the one you enjoy most. Exercise doesn’t have to be a chore; it can be something you look forward to. Some great examples I love doing is walking, yoga/ stretching or simple ab workouts. But maybe you like to run! Do what feels right for you because you will most likely stick to it. When we exercise our brains release somethings called dopamine and serotonin. These improve mood. It is scientifically proven that this does help mental health. And of course, your body will appreciate this as well.
Journaling
I cannot express this enough… journaling has changed my life. I have always loved to write and draw but once I started journaling, it has helped me so much. When I tell people this, a lot of them say that they don’t know what to write about. The answer is writing anything and everything. Get creative with it! Start with what you did that day. How did you feel? What made you anxious? What made you smile? Start with that and just keep writing. Set a time aside every day to take time to write. Even if its 5 minutes a day. Set an alarm, create it into a habit. It’s proven that it takes 21-28 days to form a habit. Then it will start to come naturally, and you won’t even think twice. Buy a cute journal and start writing.
Balance
As humans we naturally crave balance and routine. We just are made like that. I was at a point in my life where I had none of this. I have bipolar disorder, so I was so used to everything in my life going up and down, nothing consistent. Once I found a routine that fit my lifestyle and stuck to it, I saw so much improvement. Balance is a big one. Work, school, social life, self-care, family time, physical activity and down time are all things we need. Balancing all of that can be hard. For me personally, I feel like all I did was work. I had to purposely plan my days to make sure I am seeing friends, go to the gym and most important making sure I have time to relax. Getting a planner and seeing the layout of your week and making time for everything can be so helpful.
One amazing thing is that all of this is a constant thing we all work on. Even if you’re sitting here reading this and thinking to yourself… I don’t do any of this, that is okay. These are just four examples; the list goes on and on. Pick one thing this week to start and practice. The best time to start is right now. Starting your self-growth journey will help enhance your quality of life, help you realize your dreams and work on them, develop good character, and overall see life in a new, beautiful perspective. Happiness is achievable; never lose hope. Everyone is capable of living a healthy, balanced life. Start working on it today.
National ADHD Awareness Month
By: Aliya Blackburn
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist.
October is National ADHD Awareness Month. Which means, this month I want to shine a light on the many children and adults living with ADHD around the world. According to The Centers for Disease Control, as of 2016, approximately 6.1 million children between the ages of 2 and 17 have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). There is no “cure” for ADHD but there are many ways to treat it.
There are many symptoms of ADHD, such as:
- Difficulty concentrating
- Hyperactivity
- No impulse control
- Lack of focus
- Lack of organization
- Lack of motivation
- Anxiety
- Lack of self-esteem
ADHD does require a medical diagnosis to confirm you do have it. And it’s very important to get a diagnosis from a doctor so you can get proper treatment. Most of the time, ADHD starts in childhood and can lead into adulthood. It can be especially hard on children because it affects self-esteem, can make school harder and make relationships more difficult.
Ways to treat ADHD:
Medication
There is medication specific for ADHD to help treat and manage symptoms. If this is something you are interested in, call your doctor and ask. Medication can be tricky and isn’t for everyone, so ask a professional for help and advice.
Naturally
There are natural ways to help manage ADHD. Such as getting a good amount of sleep every night, eating a well balanced healthy diet, exercise, yoga/meditation and taking vitamins everyday. All these things combined can really help manage your ADHD.
Therapy
Therapy can definitely help with ADHD. Therapists can teach skills such as time management and organization skills. Learning these types of skills in therapy can lead to living a more balanced life with ADHD.
I, myself, have ADHD. I was diagnosed at 18 years old. To get diagnosed, I had to take an all day test where I did lots of games with flashcards, trying to remember things and focus as well. My parents and some of my high school teachers had to provide their input about me as well. There was a long interview process as well where I answered questions about my day-to-day experience. And with all the information they gathered, they told me I did have ADHD.
My personal symptoms include: Lack of concentration, anxiety, hyperactivity and lack of focus. These things made school and test-taking very difficult for me. It sometimes appeared that I was just not listening to the teacher; but in reality, I was trying very hard. Having ADHD has taught me a lot. It taught me to value when other people are talking to me and to listen to them. Because it is so hard for me to be able to actively listen to someone when they talk to me. But I am really working on it. Living with ADHD can be manageable; you just need to talk to a doctor or therapist about it to learn how to manage day to day.
I hope this blog helps you if you have (or think you might have) ADHD or if it affects someone you know. I encourage you to help spread awareness about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). 🙂
Blog: 5 Tips to help a loved one that is struggling with mental health issues
By: Aliya Blackburn
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist. Trigger Warning: topic, mental health issues.
Do you have a friend that is living with a mental illness? You are not alone. If your friend is suffering with a mental illness, they may be having some symptoms. Symptoms vary between each person. Some may experience: feeling sad or hopeless, having less energy, having trouble sleeping, feeling guilty or worthless, eating more or less, seeming less interested in spending time with people, and feeling irritable or upset. These symptoms can leave a person feeling drained. But there are things you can do as a friend, to help!
Here are 5 tips to help a loved one that is struggling with mental health issues:
1. Listen and Validate Their Feelings
Talk to your friend. Show them you really care and are there for them. Listen to what they have to say. Ask them questions such as, “I can tell you are not yourself lately, what’s on your mind?” or “How have you been feeling lately? I can tell you have been going through a tough time.” Simple questions like this can get a person to open up. Use active listening skills to show your friend that you truly care. But realize your friend may not want to talk about how they feel. Let them know you are here when they are ready to open up and will be there for them always. Having one main friend to talk to can be very important for someone struggling with mental health problems; and you can be that support for your friend. Reach out.
2. Learn About Mental Illnesses on Your Own / Educate Yourself
One of the best ways you can support a loved one is to educate yourself on what illness they have. You can best support them if you know what they are going through. You will have a better understanding; and that will help with your overall support. Read up on symptoms for that disorder, causes and treatment options. Reading about symptoms can teach you what your loved one is going through, and hopefully get a better outlook overall. Looking up treatment options can help you see what help is out there, and see that maybe your friend or family member needs that extra help. Educating yourself can only benefit your loved one that is struggling.
3. Make Open-Ended Plans with Them
This one is important. Making set plans with someone who struggles with mental health issues can be very overwhelming. A thought that goes through my head is, “What if I’m not feeling well that day… I don’t want to make set plans.” This anxiety can prevent people from socializing and seeing friends and family. But making open-ended plans can help this issue. This basically means making a plan with no set date and time. An example would be, “Hey! We should go get coffee soon.” You’re letting the person know you want to see them, without the pressure of setting an exact time. If the person agrees but hasn’t followed through with the plans, follow up with them; show you care. Going out with your loved one can be very beneficial for them. Just going out of the house for a drive in the car can make someone’s day.
4. Help Them to Find Support
Getting help or treatment can be very difficult for someone. It can be scary, especially if it is your first time. The person may need assistance looking up therapists, treatment centers or hospitals. Knowing they are not alone while looking for treatment can be so helpful for them. Also, if your friend needs help talking to a school counselor or parent, going with them can be hugely beneficial. Being there for them shows you care. Helping your loved one find support can be a huge first step for them to get the help they need.
5. Make Them Smile
This one is so simple, but can make the biggest impact. Did you know forcing yourself to smile when you’re sad will actually elevate your mood? Making someone smile can change someone’s mood drastically. Telling someone a joke, a past funny memory, or a silly story can brighten someone’s day. If they are going through some tough stuff, smiling for a couple seconds could be the highlight of their day. Smiling is contagious; so, if you are constantly smiling around your loved one, it can actually cause them to smile as well. Smiling is so good for the soul and overall, just makes us as humans happy. We all need to do it more. So, if you’re reading this, make it a point today to make someone smile… literally anyone! Make someone’s day.
These 5 tips are simple things you can do every day to help your friend or family member that is dealing with a mental illness. These few steps can really make a big impact on the person, and show them you really do care. Showing that you are there for them is so important because it tells them they are loved and cared for. Make sure you tell them that as well.
I hope these tips helped! 🙂
Suicide Prevention Blog
By: Aliya Blackburn
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist. Trigger Warning: topic, suicidal thoughts and depression.
September is Suicide Prevention Month. And for my first ever blog, I think this is an appropriate topic as I am extremely passionate about this. Did you know according to the CDC, suicide is the leading cause of death in the United States? And the numbers have only increased in recent years. This statistic absolutely breaks my heart because mental health stigma prevents many people from reaching out and getting the help they need. Every single person’s life matters. We were all put on this earth for a purpose; and we all belong here.
When I was 14, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. Along with that came suicidal ideation (SI). This was a symptom of my depression. This can be very scary for a young teenager that doesn’t really know what’s going on, or why these thoughts are occurring. I was very scared and didn’t know who to turn to. I ended up telling a school counselor my freshman year of high school. And to this day, I believe she saved my life. I don’t know where I would be if that counselor didn’t get me help. From that day, I have been to treatment centers and to lots of therapy! In therapy, they teach me how to properly cope with these thoughts and who to call if they worsen. I have a safety plan; and I am open with my family and therapist on my thoughts, so they can support me when I need it. I have learned so much in the past 4 years since I have been going to therapy. It truly shaped me into the person I am today. I learned my thoughts do NOT define me, but actually empower me and make me so much stronger. I have built so much resiliency, and learned to not fight against my thoughts… but to work with them. I can’t get mad at them; they are a symptom I struggle with and they don’t control me. Recovery is a journey; and I’m currently still on mine. I learn new ways to cope and new information every single day. And that’s what makes recovery so awesome! It’s a never-ending journey of growth. Recovery is possible for everyone; you just need to get the proper level of treatment you need.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, PLEASE get help. Getting help was one of the hardest but best things I ever did. Or reach out to someone like a trusted adult in your life or a friend. Having a support system is so necessary when dealing with depression. But if you’re on the other end of that, a question I sometimes get asked is, “How can I help a loved one that is currently struggling with depression?” And I am NOT a licensed therapist, but an 18-year-old girl that has gone through it. But I would recommend listening to them without any judgment. Let the person know you care and are there for them. Another way you can help a loved one is to check up on them and make sure they are getting help. Encourage them to get the proper level of care they need and deserve. One last thing I personally recommend is taking them out on a nice walk or to a park. Going outside can help so much, and has personally helped me with my depression. And sometimes I needed someone to drag me out of bed and take me outside— and I greatly appreciate them.
Becoming aware of suicide prevention is so important. Caring can save lives. So after reading this, check in on a loved one… how are they? Ask them how their day went. Small words like that can make someone’s whole day and show them people do care.
I wanted to end with these words of encouragement: Your life’s worth living. You are here for a reason, and you are loved. There is hope, I promise you. Get the help you deserve. Let’s all do our part to end the stigma around mental health, and save lives.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number: 1-800-273-8255
(This lifeline provides 24-hour, free, confidential support for anyone in distress or in crisis.)
Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741
Also check out this months coloring sheet related to suicide prevention on my etsy shop.