The way we talk to and about ourselves can have a huge impact on our overall wellbeing. It can affect our self-esteem, the way we allow others to treat us, the way we view ourselves, and the love/ respect we have for ourselves. Our words hold enormous power. We should always talk about ourselves the way we would talk about someone we love. I would personally never talk negatively about my best friend and put her down. So why would I talk about myself in that way? I had to learn that the relationship I have with myself is the most important relationship I have in my life. For many years, I would talk poorly about myself. I was wasting all my energy speaking and thinking negatively about myself. We deserve to nurture and appreciate ourselves. And it all starts with the self-talk we choose to use.
I had to change the wording of the things I was saying to myself. A little switch in the way I phrase things can have a significant impact on my self-esteem and self-worth.
- “I give up. This is too hard, and I’ll never get it.” vs “This is difficult, but I will keep trying.”
It’s easy to fall into this mindset when we are faced with a difficult situation. Sitting with discomfort when something is challenging. Changing the way you approach the situation by acknowledging that it’s difficult while also realizing that you can get through it is such a huge step. When we tell ourselves we aren’t capable, we start to really believe it. A small change in how we word our inner thoughts makes a difference.
- “She/he is way more attractive than me. I’m ugly.” vs “She/he is beautiful and so am I.”
This is a big one I’ve noticed a lot of people struggle with. I learned it is possible to uplift someone else while at the same time, not put yourself down. The negative self-talk of calling yourself ugly shows we may struggle with low self-esteem. I think we’ve all been there and can relate to that. I’ve personally struggled with this. A couple of years ago, I made a conscious effort to change the way I talk about myself. If I catch myself saying something negative, I immediately stop what I am saying. Acknowledging the thoughts is the first step. I am not perfect at all, but I am trying and that’s all that matters. I came to the realization that I don’t deserve to talk poorly about myself. This has helped my confidence. That confidence affects all parts of my life. Especially with the boundaries I set in my life because I am putting myself first. It proves I love and care about myself. This all starts with those initial thoughts in my head.
- “I am not good enough.” vs “I am worthy and capable of anything that comes my way.”
The thought of “I am not good enough” shows lack of confidence in what we think we are capable of. I think we forget that we are capable of so much if we truly apply ourselves and believe we can do it. The hard part is overcoming that fear of not being good enough and believing we truly are worthy of what comes our way. My thought process is, if that person is good enough, why am I telling myself I’m not? It all stems from how we view ourselves. Having positive self-talk improves the way we view ourselves which then leads to us feeling capable and good enough. We all want to feel that, and all deserve it as well.
- “No one will ever love me.” vs “I deserve to have healthy love and I am worthy of it.”
I observed that many people believe they are “unlovable.” I strongly believe that everyone is worth loving. I tweeted that exact quote the other day which is funny. Follow me on Twitter! (Now “X” lol) Anyways, we are all unique with our own strengths and weaknesses. No one is perfect, but someone out there will appreciate and value all of you, for who you are. We all deserve healthy love. In my opinion, I don’t think anyone is “unlovable” because every human deserves love. We must believe and have confidence in ourselves that we are worth loving.
- “I hate myself.” vs “I love and appreciate myself.”
I hear people say, “I hate myself” all the time. It’s a very common saying that is thrown around lightly. We mess up something at work for example, and that is the first thing we say out of frustration. The phrase, “I hate myself” is so strong and holds a lot of weight. It is such a hurtful thing to say to ourselves. I’ve said it many times though, so can relate. I concluded that I don’t want to say that to myself anymore. I’m a human and I make mistakes. I mess up sometimes. I can be forgetful. I might have an off day. But I shouldn’t hate myself for that. It’s not fair to me. I’m currently learning to truly love and appreciate myself for my good and bad days. I think finding self-love is a never-ending journey. I think there’s always room to grow in that area. We are constantly evolving. If I catch myself saying “I hate myself” (which happens) I pause and take it back. I don’t hate myself, and no one should.
Changing the phrases in which we talk to ourselves can move mountains. It has changed my quality of life. I honestly got sick of the negativity because it serves no purpose. There is zero benefit of talking down to ourselves. Making the mindset switch is challenging when we’re so accustomed to thinking a certain way about ourselves. It becomes automatic, we don’t even realize we are thinking so negatively. At first, it’s hard to even believe the positive thoughts. But when we keep repeating them to ourselves, one day we will believe it.
I am still on the self-love journey as well. I’ve put post-it notes on my mirror with positive affirmations to say to myself in the morning. It helps. Writing down or saying affirmations daily can be super beneficial. Repeating these phrases can subconsciously change how we think. I have kept my baby picture on my bathroom mirror for years. I display it because when I look at it, I would never talk badly about the child in that photo. So, if I catch myself being mean to myself, I’ll look at the photo and acknowledge that’s still me. If I wouldn’t talk bad about her, I am not going to say it to myself right now. I would try this if you haven’t. I hope this blog has provided you some perspective on creating a mindset change for yourself. I promise it can be life changing.
